Why you’re not interesting anymore
Turns out, it really is the damn phone
Motherhood has a sneaky way of pushing us to finally make the changes we know we’ve needed to make for a long time. Or at least, that’s my experience so far. Not only am I making changes for myself now, I’m also doing it so I can be there for my little girl. She motivates me in ways I’ve never felt before. I would do anything for her.
I’ve known for a while now that the way I consume media is rotting my brain. I’ve never uttered this phrase out loud in real life, but I guess you could say for the last few years I’ve been “chronically online”. I easily get caught doomscrolling the short form content apps and have watched too many YouTube videos (particularly lifestyle vlogs). But it’s not just social media that has been rotting my brain. I’ve also quietly become addicted to watching (and re-watching) reality TV. For example, I’ve watched every episode of the Real Housewives of New York at least ten times. All of this would be fine, if it made me happy, which I’ve recently come to realise it really doesn’t.
You see, I love being fascinated. I feel giddy when I fall in love with a show or a book and get the chance to immerce myself in a new world. I love learning, reading, and writing. Ever since I was a little girl I have watched movies, read books, journaled, and wrote short stories.
Then in 2021, I finished my Ph.D. and was so burned out from academia that all I craved was a media diet* that was easy to digest. I began watching reality TV shows in a constant loop. I downloaded TikTok and suddenly hours were lost scrolling through the lives of random strangers. My attention span became so limited as a result of my overconsumption of short form content.
I went from reading actual books to watching videos of people reviewing and recommending books. That somehow devolved into me watching vlogs of people reading books. In all the time I spent consuming social media content about books, I probably could have read over one hundred books. It’s maddening.
Then, there is my addiction to re-watching old reality TV shows. I know this is a comfort thing for many people. I don’t think it’s an issue to re-watch a movie or show for some coddling when life feels a bit tough, but for me, it went beyond comfort. These shows became tools to disappear from my own life by escaping into an alternate reality that I was completely familiar with. I could predict every ending. Every word. Immersing myself in a new world suddenly felt terrifying.
When my baby was born, I was breastfeeding and these shows were constantly in the background. My husband consistently protested that he couldn’t stand to be in the same room as two women from New Jersey yelling at each other on screen. I worried about how hearing these shows would impact my daughter.
She is going to begin noticing more and more about her surroundings as she gets older. I became increasingly concerned about what she would think seeing her mom constantly scrolling on her phone and watching these mind numbing reality TV shows. I didn’t want her growing up with the backdrop of screaming housewives and trending audios.
But nothing put this into perspective more than one afternoon when my mother in law offered to watch my baby for a few hours. I happily dropped my daughter off, and then went home and proceeded to waste two and a half hours scrolling social media with one of my shows on in the background. Suddenly, it was time to go pick my daughter up and I realised I felt more depleted than I did when I dropped her off.
My alone time is sacred as a mom, because I don’t have much. That afternoon of boredom scrolling was not the first time that has happened, but it was the first time I realised that I needed to change the way I consume media. It was the slap across the face that I needed to actually see how boring I had become, and more importantly, the effect that was having on my well-being.
Humans aren’t meant to see as much as we do on social media. We aren’t supposed to be exposed to other people’s lives in this much detail. These apps are designed to hook us in and keep our attention and millions of dollars are spent in pursuit of these goals.
Every spare moment I had for the last few years was filled with other people’s lives. I knew the details of reality show drama and strangers’ morning routines, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d read a book that made me cry or watched a film that taught me something new.
I stopped being interesting.
Instead of reading books, learning new things, or engaging with ideas, I was spending hours scrolling social media and watching reality TV. I stopped being curious.
The problem isn’t social media or reality TV. Both can be entertaining and enjoyable in moderation, of course. The problem is that they had become my default. They required very little effort and I could consume them endlessly without ever feeling truly engaged.
The thought of all my precious time with my daughter wasted doomscrolling social media and watching old shows started to make me feel sick. I realised I wasn’t even enjoying the thing I spent the most time doing. I immediately wanted to throw my phone across the room. Instead, I took the more logical approach of making the media I consume less mind melting.
I wanted to stop mindlessly scrolling social media and defaulting to the same comfort shows I'd already seen a hundred times. I wanted to be more intentional with how I spent my downtime, watching shows that sparked my curiosity and getting back into the habit of reading and listening to books.
So here’s what I did…
I made a promise to stop re-watching old shows. If I was going to watch something, I wanted it to be interesting, emotional, or funny.
I deleted TikTok and Instagram and only download them once a week to create and share content before quickly deleting them again.
I set time limits on any other scrolling apps like Substack, YouTube, and Pinterest.
I also reconfigured my entertainment subscriptions to subconsciously tell my brain that things are changing from here on out.
I deleted my Hayu and YouTube premium subscriptions.
Instead, I got an Apple TV subscription because I’m sick of saving all these recommendations on social media and not actually watching them.
I charged up my Kindle and chose an also physical book that I bought last year, but never got around to reading.
Finally, I used one of my Audible credits to download an audiobook.
How it’s going…
So far, I haven’t re-watched any old shows and it has shifted something monumental, which is very unexpected.
In the last few weeks, I’ve pushed myself to try some new TV shows and have actually encountered some of the best made television I’ve seen in a very long time. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed starting (and finishing!) some new drama series and documentaries. I’ve felt so inspired and have loved the range of what I’m watching. These shows are works of art and I genuinely feel like I can appreciate them now.
When I started replacing some of that screen time with books and thoughtfully made television, I felt different. I had new ideas to think about. I found myself bringing interesting topics into conversations with my husband. I finished two books in two weeks and I felt more creative, more curious, and more connected. I no longer felt drained by the end of my morning coffee and YouTube session.
It hasn’t been perfect, though. There were one or two days where I downloaded social media and scrolled for way too long. I caught myself doing it, but continued, which I am ashamed to admit. After all that screen time, my mind and body felt physically strained. I had a headache and my mood was down for the rest of the day. I’ve remembered this feeling and so far, it’s staved off any more impulsive scrolling sessions.
Overall, life feels fuller since making these changes. I have new stories in my head and have read and watched things that have left me thinking about them for days. There are characters that have stayed with me.
I have smugly and casually mentioned “When I was reading the other day…” in many conversations. I feel proud of what I’m doing, even though to many people, it might not seem like a big deal.
I feel interesting again. And I don’t think being interesting is about having impressive hobbies or extraordinary experiences. I think it’s about remaining curious. And for me, endless scrolling and passive consumption were slowly replacing curiosity with meaningless distraction.
In the end, I’ve decided to continue being more intentional about what I consume. Not because I want to be more productive, but because I want to become a more engaged, and interesting, version of myself.
Not just for me, but for my daughter.
*A media diet refers to the sum of information and entertainment you consume, spanning news, television, film, social platforms, podcasts, and print.
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Can really relate to motherhood pushing you to make the changes you've needed to for a while! I'm also trying to be more intentional with the limited time I have too, feels even more important now I have little eyes watching me! x
I love this Melissa! 👏 I wrote a note on my phone the other day that said ‘it’s taken me having a baby to finally fully realise that social media is rotting my brain’.
I’ve had locks on certain apps for a while now, and over the last few weeks, I’ve definitely felt much more uninterested in social media. Whenever I go on it, I just find myself thinking about how much we shouldn’t be seeing this much of other people’s lives.
I’m now slowing becoming more aware of time spent on my phone and trying to find other ways to fill my time creatively. I’ve found it hard to let go of these apps for such a long time because it’s always been the way that I promote my work, but I’m trying to have a healthier relationship with them now. I’m allowing myself to unlearn distraction.